|
|
Email this Article
|  |
Parenting
with Gary & Anne Marie: Elementary / Pre-Adolescence
The Power of Groupthink Preadolescent Peer Culture
Although socializing with
age-peers is a natural part of growing up, it's not until the middle and early
teen years that a child becomes fully aware of what it means to belong to a
group of peers. Actually, it is not until this time that parents really begin
to understand the full impact of peer relationships.
A peer culture becomes a
growing influence on how an adolescent thinks and acts because the family is
no longer the single influencing voice on the child. And while teachers, coaches,
and Sunday school workers all have an influence, none shape behavior with the
greatest ease as an age-related peer.
Preadolescence is a time
when a child moves from awakening to a full awareness of the significance of
the group's opinion. That is what brings about age-related peer pressure. The
child from a distance wants to know, "What does the group think?"
Closer up, he wants to know, "What does the group think of me?"
It is a natural tendency
to seek social approval. We all feel satisfied to be a part of a group we are
seeking. The same is true with our children. Conforming to the peer group's
standards and expectations facilitates a preteen's and teen's sense of social
belonging and standing. And consequently, a child learns early on that any deviation
from the standards of the group could mean nonacceptance, ridicule, and even
rejection. Thus, peer pressure finds its genesis in the need to conform.
Peer Pressure
What is peer pressure? Peer pressure is a socializing force that continually
challenges the status quo of one's thinking and behavior. Peer pressure on children
is not always negative and does not become so unless the peer-culture's values
stand in opposition to those of the parents. Complications arise when the standards
established in the home strongly conflict with those of other parents and children
in the community.
To ensure peer acceptance
under such conditions, the teen learns that he must accept the group's interests
and values. He cannot afford to be different because this would jeopardize his
status within the group. To demonstrate his allegiance, he acts out his new
association and conforms to the group's identity. This might be represented
by choices in hairstyle, clothes, music, and the use of slang or foul language.
The teen must assess and
decide what is more significant-the approval of his peers or the approval of
his parents-or find a happy medium. Unfortunately, that usually means one set
of rules to satisfy the peers and another set to satisfy Mom and Dad. This double
life is really a double lie, only leading to conflict and an increase in oppositional
pressure to conform to both parents and peers.
It isn't the power of peer
pressure that tears adolescents from their parents, but rather a conflict in
values that makes teens more vulnerable to peer pressure. The closer the values
between parents and teen, the stronger the allegiance and the less likely that
the teen will drift away from his parents. Please understand that the healthy
GKGW family does not eliminate normal peer pressure as much as it develops healthy
ways to deal with it. This is why it is wrong to blame peer pressure as the
primary cause of drug use, crime, rebellion, sexual promiscuity, and the general
breakdown of the family. Fundamentally, the problem is a matter of incompatible
values.
Article
by Gary Ezzo / Anne Marie Ezzo
