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Parenting with Gary & Anne Marie: Toddlers

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Gender Difference Need to be Respected

Any grandmother knows that if you put a toy car, ball, stick, doll, blanket, and bowl in a room, little boys immediately gravitate toward the car, ball, and stick, while little girls drift to the doll, blanket, and bowl. It really doesn't matter where a child is from, whether it be a complex society likes ours or a simple tribal setting in the rain forest. Little boys have a trail of masculine adjectives that distinctly separate them from little girls. Social conditioning? There might be some, but not sufficient enough to alter male and female predispositions embedded in nature's endowment of gender. The fact is, male and female brains are wired differently. Yes, little boys love trucks and little girls love dolls.

We bring this up as encouragement and as a warning. Parents should not attempt to gender-neutralize their little boys or girls. A delightful example of this was demonstrated by Dr. George Lazarus, MD, an associate clinical professor of pediatrics at New York City's Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons. He recounted a mother who gave her daughter a bunch of toy trucks only to find her daughter tucking them into bed!

Understanding gender differences helps parents make proper evaluations about their child's progress rather than speculative evaluations. For example, when a mother says, "But his sister was talking at his age," she is making a comparison in language development. But research confirms that girls tend to have a verbal advantage over boys early on. They speak sooner and more comprehensively by three years of age than their male counterparts, who arrive at the same level of competency by four and a half years. Our thoughts: Let you little boys be boys and your little girls be girls. Gender-neutralizing children is an attempt to gender-neutralize Genesis 1:27 -"Male and female did He make them."

Yet boys have other strengths, including an aptitude for math skills and the ability to complete calculations in their heads sooner then girls. Even the construction of building blocks demonstrates gender predispositions, or lack of, toward engineering tendencies. Boys are also wired for action. That might be one reason they are always on the go, while their sisters are content to sit and play with their dolls or be entertained in a single location.

Finally, take notice how little boys play together compared to how little girls play. Girls are more relational and will work together to accomplish a common goal. Boys, however, are far more likely to try to do things "on their own." Of course any wife understands this truth. Just think through the times you may have offered directions to your husband only to hear, "I know where I'm going," as you're headed straight for Siberia.

Article by Gary Ezzo / Anne Marie Ezzo