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Parenting
with Gary & Anne Marie: Toddlers
Toddlers and Heredity - What the Genetic Soup Offers
Little Joey swings a stick
and suddenly he's slated for college All-Stars twenty years down the road. Abby
twists a silk scarf around her neck and suddenly she's destined to be a fashion
designer following her momma's footsteps. Far-fetched? Not exactly. We are all
influenced by the forces of heredity, environment, and personality. Nineteenth
century Dartmouth College professor H. H. Horne, in his book Idealism in Education,
links these relationships in plain words:
Heredity bestows capacity,
Environment provides opportunity, and
Personality recognizes capacity and improves opportunity.
Each force combines to
shape all of us-you, me, your sweetheart napping in the next room. Professor
Horne is also credited with saying, "A child is born in part, he is made
in part, and in part he makes himself." Heredity, it has been said, determines
what we can do, and environment determines what we will do. Supervising all
three aspects are the caretakers of life-enter stage right-Mom and Dad.
After conception, nothing
can be done to add to or subtract from our hereditary endowment. If Grandpa's
left ear turns out along the back edge, just like your mother's left ear, which
looks amazingly like your own, guess what? Don't be surprised if one or more
of your beautiful blooms sport the telltale "Grandpa ear." Other traits,
while not visible to the eye, are doled out with equal clarity. Is there a trait
in your toddler that you do not like? Take a look at the family photos hanging
in the hallway. The relative who's smirking is possibly to blame.
A child inherits one-half
of his genetic self from his two parents, one fourth of his characteristics
from the four grandparents, and one-eight of his biological distinctiveness
from eight great-grandparents. Heredity passes to each generation two categories
of traits-fixed and fluid. Fixed genetic traits are immune to nurturing influences.
Fluid tendencies, however, are greatly impacted by the nurturing process.
For example, outward distinctions such as red hair, green eyes, short arms,
big ears, a cute nose, and a dimpled chin are fixed endowments. They are what
they are, straight from the genetic cabbage patch. Have you ever wondered where
that nose came from? Nothing in genetic sight among the parents? "Your
baby got that from Uncle Fabio, on your mother's side," says Aunt Regina.
A hidden surprise from the family tree.
Heredity also passes fluid
endowments. These are propensities, tendencies, and capacities. Intelligence
potential, aptitudes, and special levels of giftedness are all fluid, meaning
this side of the hereditary equation is markedly influenced by the nurturing
environment. That is why heredity determines what a child can do, and the environment
determines what a child will do.
Our friends Dave and Suzanne
are talented musicians. They each play a combination of instruments, including
harp, piano, trumpet, guitar, flute, trombone, French horn, and the snake-charming
oboe. Their children, Jill and Steven, did not inherit their parents' knowledge
of music, but they did inherit an interest in as well as an ear, aptitude, and
capacity for music. Natural propensities spawned in the right environment produced,
in this case, multitalented, musical children. But the genetic endowment was
nurtured. Without the nurturing environment, the beautiful seeds of endowment,
like frozen pods on the tundra, lie dormant until the conditions are right for
them to bloom. Unfortunately, human environments are less predictable than natural
ones.
What does this mean for
you and your toddler? If the nurturing environment is to stimulate and maximize
genetic potentials, Mom and Dad need to bring three things to the table.
First, you need awareness.
This author's father was a talented musician. He played a number of string instruments
and played the piano with pep. One brother within the immediate family inherited
this musical talent. Two did not-the author being one of those two. When we
were raising our children, we knew there was a possibility for some musical
giftedness. But possibility does not equal certainty, and it was soon realized
that no great musical genetic endowment fell on our offspring.
The point here is that of
awareness. We knew of a genetic propensity for musical ability. Because of it,
we created a nurturing environment to determine if any gene slipped through
the family line and then responded to the opportunity by introducing formalized
music lessons in our children's primary years.
What is in your family tree?
Go back two generations, to parents and grandparents, and write up a list of
endowment possibilities. Talk to relatives, great-aunts and -uncles, and older
cousins. Was Grandpa highly inventive? Was Mom an artisan of quilts? Was there
an uncle gifted in mathematics, or a sister endowed with a massive vocabulary
and a creative mind? Become aware of the genetic endowments of your recent family
lineage. Maybe you'll find a squirrel in your family tree, which will finally
account for Billy's need to store up every scrap of paper, every piece of ribbon,
and every pebble he ever touched.
Second, you can maximize
your child's genetic potential when you parent the "whole child" rather
than just a single trait. Hurray for you if your child is a budding Rembrandt,
Mozart, Galileo, or Edison, but can he entertain himself when playing by himself?
Can he get along with other children? Can your little star kick a ball and gently
spend time with baby sister? Don't err like Schroeder's mom did. Schroeder is
the Peanuts character who spent his entire cartoon life hunched over a piano
composing music.
While any unfavorable parent
attitude can result in unhealthy outcomes, that which has the most damaging
and far-reaching effect is the concept of the "dream child." Parents
create a genetic ideal and force the child into a very narrow category of interest.
And the emotional pressure on the child to attain dream-child status, mixed
with the lack of normal childhood experiences, hinders (if not wounds) genetic
potential.
Third, no wonderful gift
of hereditary endowment can be matured if not surrounded by the basic disciplines
of life. Writing the great American novel will be impossible if your would-be
author never develops the focus needed for reading. Piano practice becomes a
battle if your child never learned to sit and concentrate in the toddler years.
NBA star Michael Jordan didn't make it to the top of his field simply because
of ability; he also learned to listen to the instruction of his mentors along
the way. Listening is half of the educational process. How well does your toddler
listen to your instructions and follow through-right now?
The point here is basic:
A child cannot learn until he is ready to learn. He cannot achieve until the
biological clock says it's time. He cannot master any skill without the accompanying
resources of self-control and self-governance. This means that regardless of
what giftedness or talent your child possesses, or what wonderful genetic endowment
he may have inherited, it needs to be nurtured in the total context of childhood
and childhood training. If it is not, that giftedness will eventually reach
a plateau in learning and show little improvement from that time forward. The
gardener analogy can be applied here as well: Good seeds planted in poor soil
will result in stunted plants. So it is with our children.
Article
by Gary Ezzo / Anne Marie Ezzo
