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Parenting
with Gary & Anne Marie: Preschool
The Conscience of a Child
"Caleb, I found these
two Matchbox cars near the couch," I said, handing our three-year-old guest
the sleek, shiny new red and white cars. "You must have missed them when
you cleaned up the track you brought over." The little blond-headed boy
turned over the cars placed in his hands. Widened eyes belied his intuitive
comprehension of what it would mean to add these beauties to his collection.
Yet he paused midway through that thought. Something seemingly stopped him cold;
then he lifted his head, shaking it slowly back and forth. "No, these are
not my cars. They belong here. Mrs. Ezzo keeps them for children who visit."
Caleb reached out and placed them carefully back in my hand.
Let's look at the facts
present in this scenario. Fact one: The cars did not belong to Caleb. Fact two:
He knew it. Fact three: Caleb was the only one present who had all the facts.
He could have easily taken the cars home with him. After all, Mr. Ezzo offered
them to him. Incredibly, he didn't take them. Here, moral sanctions were at
work in a three-year-old heart. Sooner or later every child makes decisions
based on what he believes to be right. Indeed, all children from three years
up begin to acquire a functioning conscience controlled by a developing system
of beliefs, ideas, values, and virtues that internally decree what is right,
wrong, good, or evil. This is what determines how one should respond to situations.
In the case above, Caleb's conscience had arrived.
What occurred inside Caleb's
heart can take place inside the heart of your preschooler. This special "something"
acts as the silent voice stirring within the heart, monitoring conduct for moral
accountability. Yes, even starting at three years of age. As Mom will not always
be with her preschooler at all times, this "something" will be everywhere
your preschooler goes-whether it be to visit Grandma, with the playgroup, or
at a family reunion, where all the kids merge into one noisy herd sighted in
hourly intervals around the cooler full of drinks. This special something is
known as the conscience.
While the study of the human
conscience is less popular than the study of neural wiring or the complex workings
of the brain, it is a more important subject to ponder. You see, the destiny
of a child's life is shaped by his conscience. To be quite honest, we are surprised
by the absence of public teaching on this subject, especially when it comes
to child training. We suppose conversation about the conscience could be politically
incorrect. It is possible that guilt and shame, two components associated with
the conscience, are now considered vices of the soul rather than reflectors
of moral misconduct. If that is the case, guilt and shame are getting a bad
rap.
The Conscience-What Is
It? How Does It Work?
The conscience is a moral faculty, a guiding voice from within, the faculty
or principle by which we distinguish right from wrong. It's the voice that helps
us control our thoughts and actions and monitor our words. In everyday life,
one can find illustrations of a properly working conscience-from determining
whether a Matchbox car belongs with your collection to returning the extra money
that a clerk mistakenly gave you when making change. Every day one can find
illustrations of a not-so-well-trained conscience-lying about cheating or keeping
money that is not yours.
To act against the conscience
is to act against moral reason. The conscience raises its voice in protest whenever
anything is thought of or done contrary to the values of the heart. As a mentor
and a friend, it warns you that danger could be ahead while you are still thinking
about how you are going to act. When you have done something you know is wrong,
it punishes you as a judge. Conscience is the voice of the Self, which says
yes or no when you are involved in a moral struggle. It is a call from within
to act rightly or avoid wrong
The conscience, then, is
the seat of moral testimony. It is that portion of our humanness that receives
and reflects values that represent what the mind perceives as morally right
and wrong, good and evil. Most importantly the conscience is not something you
stir up in a child, rather something you shape in him-carefully and with purpose.
There are some hard facts
about the developing human conscience that every parent should know. It starts
with the single fact that parents are the primary architects of the family conscience
and of each child within the family. In the beginning, a child has no functioning
conscience, no preset scale of values. Before he can behave morally, he must
learn general concepts of right and wrong and then advance to specific concepts
of right and wrong. The home environment is the primary classroom, and parents
are the first teachers.
How one learns to get along
with other human beings shapes his future as much as a good education or any
acquired skill. The essence of community is bound by the reality of our collective
conscience. A good conscience prevents calamities, afflictions, and miseries.
What good health is to the body, a good conscience is to the soul. There is
inward satisfaction of conscience when a good action is done, when virtue is
practiced. The most natural beauty in the world is honesty and moral truth.
Article
by Gary Ezzo / Anne Marie Ezzo
