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Parenting with Gary & Anne Marie: Toddlers

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My Toddler Is Biting Other Children

"I just received another report from his nursery teacher. My Jessie did it again. He bit another child. What’s the problem?" If you worked with children you know this is more common of a problem then not. Child biting is troublesome for six people — two children, (the victim and the biter) and two sets of parents. Both have reasons to be concerned. It is easy to become angered when your child is the victim of a biter and it is just as easy to feel shame over your child’s negative, aggressive behavior if he is the perpetrator. Some clinicians suggest biting is normal. But that is like saying tooth decay is normal. It's "normal" only because prevention did not take place.

Observation points us to certain constant negative environmental stimulants associated with biters. A noisy environment, inadequate sleep, lack of structure and routine, lack of boundaries in general, and over-socialization are but a few. While all of these contribute to aggression in children to some extent, the last is most significant. Biters seem to be part of a group that has been prematurely placed in social settings that overwhelm their senses. Clearly, they are over-socialized by being placed in too many group activities. Some toddlers simply cannot handle the stress of "too many children around." Group settings include church nurseries, day-care facilities, and large birthday parties, which may simply overwhelm these children. Biting then becomes a coping skill whenever the child senses encroachment or when his own need is not met.

The only good news about biting is that it is temporary (although it will never be over soon enough for the victims). A child's biting might diminish, but if not dealt with properly and early, the underlying aggression will simply change forms as the child grows. While your immediate solution will be isolation (time-out chairs are not effective), you still need to deal with the underlying problem. When a child bites, use your voice and facial expressions to show that biting is unacceptable. Speak firmly, and have him make eye contact with you while you express your dissatisfaction. The child, of course, needs to be isolated from potential victims, but the real solution is in changing his environment. His world must be reduced socially.

At the first sign of biting, try to limit outside activities involving groups of children. This may temporarily include other toddler birthday parties, the church nursery, and any playgroup activities. When allowing your child to participate in group activities, you can volunteer to sit in on the activity and observe your child. This will allow you to see what causes him to bite, and you can intervene when you realize that he is going to do so. Taking care of the problem in the early toddler phase can eliminate it altogether in the preschool phase, just around the corner.

Article by Gary Ezzo / Anne Marie Ezzo