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Parenting
with Gary & Anne Marie: Toddlers
Potty Training Preparation
Most children show signs
of readiness to begin using the toilet between 22 and 36 months of age. These
signs include staying dry for at least 2 hours at a time and having regular
bowel movements. A child may feel uncomfortable wearing dirty diapers and want
to have them changed. Other signs include asking to use the potty chair or asking
to wear regular underwear, and, of course, being able to follow simple instructions.
While readiness starts with
the child, potty training starts with the parent. Physical development signals
when a child is ready, but only you can decide when it all begins. What will
potty training look like in your home? What are the general guidelines? What
equipment do you need? What approach will you take, and what are your timeline
goals? What are the mental aspects of preparation. For example, consider beginning
your training when:
- You have read, compared,
and decided which potty training method you feel most comfortable with and
can commit yourself to. (The three recommended methods are described in chapters
3 and 4.)
- You are able to set a
couple of days aside to make potty training a priority.
- You have both emotional
and training support from your spouse.
- You are not in a major
house transition, job transfer, or renovation project.
Consider postponing potty
training if:
- You sense your child
is not physically ready.
- You and/or your child
are sick or recovering from an illness, or you are in the early months of
pregnancy.
- You are about to start
or just completed a major house move.
- You are in any relational
transition, such as the passing away of a loved one or an unresolved family
crisis.
- You are having an extended
period of house guests.
- You are in the middle
of your family vacation or during holidays.
The six negatives above
contribute significantly to false starts. No parents actually plan to have their
potty training efforts thwarted by daily disruptions. Interruptions are nearly
inevitable, however, if you start your training under any of the negative conditions
listed above.
Another separate consideration
is whether Mom is working fulltime or parttime. Potty training is one of the
only areas of training that you cannot do parttime or with a stop-and-start
attitude. Potty training needs Mom or Dad to be home for at least 2 days, preferably
3 days. Many of our working moms have taken a couple of days off from work,
usually Thursday and Friday, or Monday and Tuesday. This has given them a 4-day
stretch (including the weekend) to give concentrated attention to training.
As our experienced moms prove, you can get the job done in 1-4 days. However,
it must be a period of focused attention, and your child must be well into the
mediating phase of training.
Yet another consideration
is your understanding of what your son or daughter must learn. Reflect back
for a moment. Do you remember how simple you thought driving a car was before
you actually got behind the wheel? You saw your mom and dad point the car in
a direction, step on the gas, and move forward. Turns were done so gracefully
that only one hand and often one finger was used to turn the wheel. And then
your big day came. You sat in the driver's seat only to initially discover learning
to drive was not as easy as it looked. It required coordination and practice
of different muscles. You were pushing the gas pedal one moment and pumping
the brakes the next. Your eyes were focused on cars coming at you and pulling
up along side of you. In time you mastered driving, but only after you were
able to coordinate and master all the skills necessary to drive safely.
Potty training for a child
is much like learning to drive is for a teenager. It looks easy until you must
learn to coordinate a group of skills never before tried. Think about what is
going on. Before reaching mastery, a child must be aware of the need to go to
the bathroom, he must have the ability to sense a full bladder or bowel, and
then acquire the ability to resist the urge to go to the bathroom just any time.
He must learn how to release urine and bowel movements into the toilet by using
unseen and unfamiliar muscles that hold back and release a full bladder or bowel.
He must also be able to communicate his need to go to the bathroom. Consolidating
all of these skills takes time and certainly generous amounts of patience on
the part of Mom and Dad. There are several things a child must learn to do specifically.
Adjust
to the Sensation
Once a child
recognizes the bladder message, she must learn what it feels like to release
urine someplace other than a diaper. Stephanie Taylor, one of our contributing
moms, writes,
I knew our younger daughter
was making the association when she got up out of the bathtub and asked me
to put a diaper on her because she had to go "pee pee." She knew
what her body needed to do, and she knew where it needed to be done. Our first
challenge was helping her transfer the association from the diaper to the
potty chair. Once that was accomplished, we had to help her adjust to the
change in the sensation. She was used to urinating with the diaper next to
her body, and initially she was afraid to release her urine without the presence
of a diaper. The sensation was new, different, and unfamiliar, so she didn't
like it. But in time, she adjusted, and we made it through the process just
fine.
Recognize
Muscle Control
Children do not instinctively
understand that they actually control the muscles that hold and release their
waste. It can take them a little time to learn this. Once your child has adjusted
to the sensation, she needs to understand the muscle control that is involved.
After a few successful trips to the potty, it usually begins to click in their
minds. A simple statement such as, "Make the pee-pee come out" may
be all that is needed to turn on the light bulb and see wonderful results, accompanied
by a great big grin from your toddler.
The recognition of bowel
control is easier and more natural, because children actually have to make some
effort to push it out. For most parents, the challenge is getting their child
to do that in the potty seat. Once a child recognizes the urge, has adjusted
to the new sensation, and understands that he controls the muscles, it is just
a matter of patience and practice. Children need many opportunities to practice
so that they can use those muscles at the appropriate time and in the appropriate
place.
Footnote:
Content of the
article references information from Potty Training 1-2-3 written
by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. All rights reserved.
Article
by Gary Ezzo / Anne Marie Ezzo
